Came across this blog ... just thought it's very poignant and kinda says so much about why we live (and love) where we are. The blog belongs to Abby Stepaniak, a 24-yr old US Peace Corps worker doing HIV/AIDS work, posted in Barbeton (Mpumalanga).


Home Is Where You Make It

I was on my third flight of a three flight trip back to SA and I ended up sitting next to this older white man who lives in Jo'burg. We began talking about South Africa in general, and what I'm doing there. Somehow we got on the subject of the South African government, and if you've ever talked to me about this before, you know I have a few choice words about the way things are run down here. But, I usually hold my tongue when I talk to people I don't know, and wait to hear what they have to say. So I'm sitting listening to this guy, and he is talking a lot about how the government has really messed things up since '94 and is really making it difficult for a white person to be successful. Now, if you'd asked me about my reactions to this type of conversation maybe 6 or 9 months ago, I'd probably roll my eyes and utter something about being racist. But, after seeing what I have seen in the last year, I realize it's not racism at all. It's just the reality here. Sometimes it's really hard to be a white person looking for success in South Africa. Anyway, as we're chatting we start on select political figures. Mbeki, Zuma, Manto, etc etc. And as he's talking, he starts testing me. "You work with HIV populations, how do you feel about Manto's views?" So I answer accordingly (and correctly!) and he gives a small nod accompanied by a slight smile. He says, "You've been there long enough. You know." So then we launch into a conversation about the future of SA. It keeps going for some time and then finally, I ask, "Have you thought about emigrating?" He takes a while to sit and think carefully about his answer, and he responds, "Yes, I've thought about it." So I then ask, "Why do you want to stay?" and he gets the same smile I spoke of before. He says, "For the same reasons you are coming back." We left the conversation at that.

But, as I put on my nerdy facemask light-blocker thing and started to prepare for my first of many naps on that flight, I really thought a lot about what his last comment meant. Why am I coming back? I have been known to use the word "hate" when talking about this country in the past, yet I am still here, and I will stay here until I'm done. But why? I guess I never really thought about it before. I can rattle off a list of reasons I don't like it here, and probably give you a list of potentially positive things that are being done, but I've never really thought about WHY. So I did. And I came up with something that to me, is quite remarkable, something I never thought I'd ever say: Because this is home.

My roommate Lindsae has this quote posted: Home is where you make it. I guess it's never really been any more true for me than right now. I struggle here a lot. More than I ever have before. But after putting in so much time and energy and heart into this place, I've slowly started to understand it. And, after a year, I've realized that I learned how to live here, and how to survive here. I've learned how to stay happy and how to dig myself out of holes, I've learned to throw away my big grand dreams for this place and really appreciate the small victories that scatter my days. I've learned how to use (or not use) my time during my days so that at the end of the day, I am satisfied. And, when I look back on it all...I've realized that because I've learned to do all of those things, I've made this my home. I live here now, and I will continue living here for the next year. I fought it for so long, thinking, I'll just endure this for two years and then go back "home." But you know what? That's no way to live your life. Wishing away two years is not a way to really fully embrace what's going on here. You have to live HERE and NOW. So...from this day forward, that's what I'm going to do. I will live here, in South Africa, and call it home. Because...well...it is.

First published: Monday, July 21, 2008

Courtesy: Abby's blog abby-zazazoom.blogspot.com/2008/07/home-is-where-you-make-it.html